Have you ever noticed all the children sitting in first class and wondered….Yeah me neither – because there are no children in first class.
Taking children on first class on an airplane is a colossal waste of money because you, as a parent, would spend the whole flight worrying your children were ruining the first class experience for the other passengers. And you could buy a few Disney World tickets for the same amount as the price difference between economy and first class (although maybe just one ticket nowadays with Disney’s insane price increases!) Is there any scenario where you would consider paying for your family to fly first-class?
What if there was a first class just for families…
It is fun to fantasize, so here are the features I imagine:
- Normal first class seats with full recline for tweens to adults.
- Smaller full-recline seats for children that are also quite easy for car seat strap-in.
- A ball pit – because every child loves a ball pit and it keeps them semi-stationary while still expending energy.
- Stationary trikes for kids – same idea – semi-stationary while burning energy
- A Hamster wheel – why not?
- Breastfeeding room
- A cry room. They have these in churches and OMG are they awesome. So why not on airplanes where people seriously consider murdering a crying baby? A small sound-proof room with a TV playing cartoons and a few toys is all we need.
Food & Drinks
- Unlimited organic milk, juice, crackers, pretzels, breakfast bars, fruit squeezers, and peeled- fruit slices.
- Drinks served in sippy cups or juice boxes – the normal plastic cups on flights are just a spill waiting to happen.
- Kid meals. They won’t eat the gourmet meals of first class. They want a cheese pizza, pancakes, or chicken nuggets. Some apple slices, some cheese squares, a yogurt, carrot slices, and for desert – one low-sugar cookie in the shape of an airplane and we are happy! It doesn’t have to be extravagant.
- Free Alcohol for parents – yeah this is one thing about first-class that should stay the same
First Class Amenities
- Kid-sized earphones. Smaller sized earphones that don’t break at the slightest tug.
- Extra pacifiers. It seems like every plane ride we lose on average 3 pacifiers. I have no idea where they go. The same place as socks lost in the dryer I suppose.
- A diaper genie in the toilet – because you always feel guilty about leaving a stinker in the trash.
- Toddler toilet. Nothing worse on a plane ride that a potty-training toddler who is afraid of the toilet’s flush (actually I am afraid of the flush on airplane toilets too).
- Just provide extras of everything in your diaper bag – diapers, wipes, ziplock bags, hand-sanitizer, crayons, baby medicine, sippy cups, bibs, feeding spoons, blankets, onsies, etc.
- Seats that you are allowed, and encouraged, to kick! I know, already been informed by the noble prize committee of their short list.
- Trays to push up and down
- Fake buttons to push
- Child meditation programs
- A kids library – they always offer up adult magazines and newspapers, why not magazines like Highlights, or National Geographic Kids, or just fun books?
- Massages for parents
- Connected video games. Imagine all the kids playing on connected xBoxs at once. Actually the parents might want to get in on that action too.
- Magnetic car/train track. I have a hard time finding the perfect toy for a plane ride. Anything with wheels immediately rolls away. It can’t make noise. It can’t have too many parts (they also roll away) and it must be small. My boys will quietly play with sticker books and play-dough for all of 20 minutes, leaving me with a mere 12.5 hours to fill for our home-leave flight. The solution here – Eureka! The plane provides toys kids actually want to play with, using….MAGNETS! That will keep them from rolling all over the place. Some sort of magnetic field that won’t let the toy go farther than 6 inches from the tray/track. Aha! Pure genius I know!
Above and Beyond Service
- Concierge pickup and drop-off in a mini-van with complimentary car-seats.
- Door to door stroller service. How many times has my stroller been gate-checked, and then sent to baggage claim. It has actually taken me up to 2 hours to herd my 3 kids under 5 years old from the gate through the terminal, into passport control, and through customs without a stroller. Then my arms fell off. I write this post with my toes.
- Pilot visit in the cockpit. Is this just revealing how old I am? Has this completely stopped after 9/11 or do they see my hooligans approaching and decide not to offer it for my flight? Anyways, my boys would die of happiness to visit the pilot in the cockpit.
- One of the air stewards is also a recreation director/ art director/ hypnotist/ clown.